Hata' on PETA?

I’m not here to be a hata’ (is that how you spell it?) I was just perusing the newspaper as someone of my considerable intelligence does at least once a month (Hey kids! Reading is great! You’ll be just like your dad!) and I came across another story on PETA. You know the group, the (People for the Ethical Treatment of All C-List Celebrities and Over-Parented West Coast Children Who Hate Testing on Animals and Fur Unless it Affects Their Career or Their Ability to Get Laid Then It’s OK Under Certain Circumstances.) I have been around or involved in a lot of groups in my lifetime that people have hated like the Press Your Luck Posse and the Mr. Mister Mob but is there an organization currently that has a worse reputation than PETA does right now? If you had to rank the popularity of the KKK, a terrorist splinter cell and PETA, I’m not sure how most people would make their list.

I’ve tried to figure out why so many people hate PETA and I think it comes down to three basic tenets. One, their “faces” are usually actors or models that we hate and people see them as spoiled anyway. These Hollywood types, yes I’m looking at you Cheech Marin, get so much free swag just for being a star that we don’t think they should invade on our right to have a rat stuffed with Diamonds. Liz Taylor’s White Diamonds, that is. By the way, who wants to smell like Liz Taylor? I have to think that she reeks of a cocktail that smells like low-grade plutonium, tile cleaner and feet mixed in a wet cardboard box. That’s just a guess, I have never been “officially” invited to the Taylor compound.

Another reason people hate PETA is that we are addicted to the newest thing. Whether it is the iPod, the phone that can speak to you in Pig Latin or that origami set, we want new things and we want them now and them we want to dispose of them unsafely somewhere in New Jersey. So why should PETA stop me from getting the closest shave with a Gillette razor that may have been tested by performing the “6-blade boogie” on what is commonly referred to as a rabbit. I have nothing against rabbits, but if they have to go with a little bare skin so I can avoid stubble, well then, so be it.

PETA also tends to be a little too dramatic. Yes, Kentucky Fried Chicken probably doesn’t treat their chickens as well as other workers at the company, but that’s why it’s not called Kentucky Fried Accountants. If it was, I would prefer to be a chicken there than an accountant. PETA is always throwing blood, and using words like Murder! Killers! and obfuscate. I’m kidding. There is not a single member of PETA that has seen, used or could spell obfuscate.

They feel to get attention they need to do things that will shock the world. I’ve got one – howabout a non-violent march on the headquarters of the companies that you have an issue with, and in Washington to have the elected officials hear you. And then, while you march I am going to shave you, pour a new drug treatment down your throat and spray you with red paint. I’m kidding – but doesn’t that seem unreasonable?

If you’ll excuse me – I have a hankerin’ for some fried chicken.

(Please note: no animals were harmed in the creation of this post)